This might seem surprising, but I was off coffee during most of my time as an undergrad in college.  I had been a coffee fiend during the later years of high school (as a result of SOMUCHWORK and the inherent “coolness factor” of going out for coffee with friends when you’re seventeen and can’t yet enjoy the bar scene).  However, sometime at the beginning of my first year of college I dropped the coffee.  I usually had late classes (woohoo 10am start) and a pretty manageable course load which consisted of reading lots of literature- which was kind of like heaven for me.  Also, we were in college.  So that means when you can spend money on coffee or alcohol, you’re going to pick alcohol, amiright?

So basically, I didn’t drink much coffee.  BUT THEN this past Christmas my boyfriend’s parents gave him (aka us) a beautiful lovely wonderful amazing coffee machine.  This thing is fancy, and OHSO convenient.  So of course I can’t just let le boyfriend drink sixteen cups of coffee a day without getting in on some of that sweet convenient caffeine.  You guessed it, I’m back on coffee.

My reintroduction to coffee comes at a convenient time in my life, as I am embarking on a fall/spring of extreme business.  So hurray for caffeine!

So why the arduous story?  Well, I don’t know about the rest of y’all, but the summer heatwave is just now hitting Oakland and I have been melting all week.  Rather than forgo my helpful beverage, I decided to bust out the iced coffee.  And I know that some people make big batches of coffee and then stick them in the fridge so that they have cold coffee at the ready, but I am realllllllly bad about using all of the stuff in my fridge.  If I make coffee and then stick it in there I just KNOW that it’s going to be forgotten until November.  That place is a black hole.

Alternately, some people have no problem dropping a few ice cubes in the coffee and then heading out the door.  But I am picky and I don’t want watered down coffee (it annoys me to no end when coffee shops do that…. it’s like, seriously? Did I just pay full price for a cup of ice?).  SO I decided to borrow a trick from a (smart, non-ripoff) coffee shop I went into once: coffee cubes.  Yes, that’s right, freeze coffee in an ice cube tray and you are good to go.

And because they’re so cute and funky (I’m talking dollar tree ice trays that are tiki man faces) I definitely wont forget them in the freezer.  In fact, I might be in danger of drinking too much coffee just for the excitement of the little icemen.

You don’t really need directions for this tip, but I’ll give ‘em anyway:
1. Brew up some coffee
2. Pour coffee into ice cub tray (I am a mess so I must do this over the sink or risk bunchofcoffeeonthefloor)
3. Wait a few hours or until next morning
4. Brew a cup of coffee
5. Add milk/cream/half and half/sugar/stevia/WHATEVER to your liking
6. Put some of those ice cubes in the coffee <——–MOST IMPORTANT STEP
7. Enjoy your cool, caffeinated life

Maybe you already knew this simple trick?  Have any more awesome coffee suggestions?  Like I said, I’ve been drinking coffee again and I am down with an excuse to fire up that coffee machine.  Enjoy!

Hola folks, it’s true, I’m actually back again! Surprising, eh?

Today I want to share a fabulous summer drink recipe that I could honestly drink all day erryday. Especially right in the middle of this sweaty summer.

It all started with these two posts my lovely mother put on her blog The Foodie Affair. They are both resplendent with watermelony goodness and as soon as I read them I was overcome with the need to drink all the watermelons in the world in tasty drink form.

The first one seduced me with its simplicity, and then the second with its alcohol content. Since I had neither tequila nor triple sec, but DID possess a tasty bottle of rum, I decided to go with the first recipe and booze it up.

Since I had a birthday barbecue to attend I figured what better than gifts of boozy watermelon refreshment?

Check out my mom’s recipe. I followed it exactly (just quadrupled) and used her advice and skipped out on ice and froze the watermelon instead. Then I added some rum (arguably the most important change I could possibly make). Basically it was in typical recent-college-student-fashion: I added a shot for each serving then some extra splashes for good measure. My main squeeze Miguelito pointed out that since the recipe has coconut water it ostensibly cures the hangover before it even begins! (Did you know that coconut water cures the alcohol related ills? Srsly yo).

Needless to say this drink is a complete success. Fresh, bright, and easy as (boozy watermelon) pie! TRY IT

Okay I made myself wait a day to post this one.  I have so much to offer the world right now, I am trying to hold myself back so that I don’t overwhelm THEDRUNKSQUASH with too much wonder.  But seriously, this took so much effort to hold back on.

Forgive me, but you are about to enter into my weiird obsession.  If you are reading this right now, you have no choice, so just go with the flow.

So basically, here’s the deal.  I am obsessed with buying glasses.  I get all of those weird emails from Eyebuydirect and Coastal and Zenni (I swear that this is not an advertisement, it’s more like a confession- so search for them yourself if you have a problem too, I guess?).  And most of the time I can ignore them.  Most of the time I’m like, oh cool glasses sale whatev.  But sometimes, for no apparent reason except my mind is tuned to the SPENDMONEYONTHINGSYOUDON’TNEED channel, I am drawn to those advertisements like a near-sighted moth to a flame.

I spend hours- yes, I believe hours is correct- scouring the sites for the best frames.  Or the weirdest frames that I think I can pull off. And all of those sites have that funky function where you can upload a picture of yourself and then virtually “try-on” frames.  But no matter how you angle your head or light the picture you always look odd, so basically you just have to trust your gut or ask your boyfriend incessantly DOYOUTHINKTHISWILLLOOKGOODONMEEEE???

And that is why I have five, yes FIVE, pairs of glasses that all have the same prescription.  I have been meaning to store them in different places so that my near-sighted self is prepared for the contacts-less apocalypse.  I will be the most stylish zombie hunter.

And because I want to justify this obsession, or maybe just share the tip with some poor sap like me who wants to own all the glasses in the world, here they are.  The five glasses that I do not really need but still somehow justified buying/wearing:

The last pair is my personal “B-52s/Librarian” favorite.  But unfortunately they only really look okay on me if I have a tan, so they don’t get too much wear.  But who cares, because I LOVE THEM.

So yeah, there you go.  If you have an eyeglass obsession like me, don’t waste a hundred bucks on fancy ones from the store, seriously go spend $12 on a weird website for ninety million pairs.  They’re not fancy brands, but you will have a fancy face when you fight the zombies.  Like me.

WOOHOO I’m back

I feel like this is my ghost blog… in that I make a ghostly appearance every few months or so, remind you that I once lived and that I’m sad about being dead, and then disappear to haunt some other places for a while.  Agh I’m sorry.  Whatever, I’m a flake I guess.

I’ve been nannying like crazy these days.  This is what nannying looks like:

So yeah, it’s obviously craaazzy.  Haha.  But seriously, those kids do sap all of the energy out of me.  So I’m showing you a crafty diy that I did back in MAY for Mother’s Day.  Lameskies, lateskies, whatevskies.

It’s cute and easy, so I hope you’ll forgive my absence.  Basically you just need some thick, pliable wire.  I think that this is 18 gauge?  Maybe 16?  It’s not a hard wire, but rather a nice bendy craft wire that I found at the craft store.

I used pliers to bend it, but if you don’t have any, trusty ol’ hands would work too.  I basically just practiced my cursive skills and bent the wire to form letters.  Then, I tied a simple cord to the pendant and VOILA it was complete.

Perfect for somebody that you love, or that loves the word love, or that loves to wear the word love, or that hates love but wants to be ironic?  Either way, I LOVE IT.  And I think my mom did too

Oh and PS I can promise you another blog post TOMORROW.  That is a promise I can keep.  Because I already wrote it… HA!

The process was pretty simple: 1) roll and mush a grape-sized ball of clay around until it is easy to work with, 2) form it into a skullish shape, 3) then add the eyes, nose, and teeth.  Then, 4) stick an eye pin into it’s top and bake it according to the clay directions.  When it comes out 5) use a permanent pen to add shading to the eye sockets, nose, and teeth holes.

He’s a funny little guy (and oh god please ignore my nails… looks like I tore apart a zombie with my hands).

I strung him on some brown cord and I’ve been wearing him ever since!  Next I may have to encrust one in glitter or rhinestone the bejesus out of one.  I guess it’s safe to say this isn’t the last you’ll see of skulls.  Perhaps my inner goth is coming out… haha

So there you go.  I graduated college and I am now obsessed with skulls.  Melodramatic much? hahaha

I wish I could wear it everyday, but that kind of takes away from the excitement of it, right?  But I decided that if I had TWO different flower headbands then I could wear them a bit more often without being too repetitive… right??

So Voila, a bright yellow flower headband was born.  The construction is pretty straightforward: Get fake flowers, trim them off their stems, glue them to a headband.  It takes about five minutes if you’ve already got all the supplies!  And you can get fabulous flowers and headbands at the dollar tree, so it’s definitely not an expensive endeavor.

Just a quick post to say I am so over undergrad… ugh.  Wah wah wah.  Emotional overflow.  So close yet so far.  Blegh.

So now that I’ve gotten that out, I also want to flip to the polar opposite and share something that makes me ohsohappy.

And that is hot rollers.  Yes, hot rollers.

I have recently become somewhat obsessed with the heretofore thought “old-ladyish” styling tool.  Turns out that hot rollers are super rad in that they are quite wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am-ish.  And what I mean by that is they’re fast and easy.  Wow, I don’t know where I’m going with that metaphor… Nevermind.  Here’s how it works:

(start with boring hair)
1. Plug in the curlers and warm them up for ten minutes (while you brush your teeth, make coffee, choose an outfit, take pictures of yourself, etc.)

(oh haaay.  fancy and serious grandma.)
2. Roll them all up in your hair (this takes five minutes max, and as I practice I’ve gotten faster).

3.  Let them sit until cool for 10-15 minutes (while you eat breakfast, put on makeup, make lunch, change your outfit, sit on the couch and try not to fall asleep, practice making unattractive faces, etc.)

(why lookie here, I’ve got curls)
4.  Pull them out and run your fingers through your curls to loosen them, which takes just a few minutes.

(I grin because they are soooo easy)
5. Hair spraaay.  (Or sometimes I just use mousse before I put them in)

Anyways I love them because I don’t have to sit with a curling iron for twenty minutes constantly almost burning my neck and fingertips.  Also, I have mostly-straight hair and they add volume without looking too unnatural.

So this is how I stay sane.  Relatively sane.
Hope you enjoyed this procrastinatory (I really wish this was a word) post!

All righty there folks, I just had to jump on the bandwagon.  I’m not sure if they’re called STARburst or SUNburst or whateverburst mirrors, but I love them and I’m not afraid to say it.

And, yes, they’re all over pinterest (here and here) and numerous other crafting sites and blogs, so maaybe you’re tired of seeing or hearing about them.  But I’m not.  In fact, all of that spotlight has made my need for one intensify.

And, anyways, the reason they’re all over those sites is they’re RIDICULOUSLY simple to make.  And take all of one hour to make (plus another for some spray paint drying time).

And this is all to say that I made a sun/star/whateverburst mirror and it’s on my wall and I love it and I want to share my great fortune with the interweb.

Here are the steps!

1.  You will need to procure materials.  They are:

• a round wooden blank of some kind (I have no idea what it’s called, I found it at Michael’s Crafts in the wood working aisle.  It was about three bucks? I think?)
• a round mirror that fits onto that wooden blank (Check the framing section.  Fortuitously, these two items fit each other perfectly and the mirror was also a mere few dollars.)
• a bunch of kabob sticks (these came from my mother’s kitchen)
• a hot glue gun (crafter’s delight… never leave home without) 
• some means for hanging this mirror on the wall (you will see that I used rope, glue, and a nail)
• I also used a metal cutting tool for cutting my kabob sticks, but this was kind of overkill.  You could probably use regular scissors too.

2.  I used a ruler to draw pizza slices on the back of my wooden blank.  That’s how I thought about it, not as math, but as pizza because I love to eat food and I don’t really like math problems.  I will admit this.
I used these lines to figure out that I needed 32 kabob sticks.

3.  I also drew a little box surrounding the middle point to leave room for a hanging apparatus as well as standardize the lengths of each stick.  I didn’t want to accidentally glue some closer or farther from the edge.  (Scroll down to see what this looks like)

4.  I left half of the sticks long, and cut half by about two inches to create a varied pattern.

5.  Then I began to glue.  First the long sticks:

6.  And then the shorter ones:

This is what it looked like when I had glued all of the long sticks:

And then here it is with the shorter ones glued on as well:

7.  And then the fun part, spraypaint-a-palooza (I used gold because I wanted it nice and gaudy):

8.  Then, not pictured because it would be boring, I waited for the paint to dry.  This took about an hour.

9.  Then, not pictured because I forgot, I glue-gunned the mirror onto the sun/star/whateverburst.  Thus turning this whole shebang into a sun/star/whateverburst mirror.

10.  Finally, because I had rope and no picture hanger, I glue gunned a piece of rope onto the back of the mirror.

11.  I then nailed a hole into the wall and hung the mirror (after it was allllll dry of course) onto my no-longer-quite-as-bare wall.

TADA!

So, there you go. I jumped on the bandwagon and I am oh so happy that I did.  I love the simplicity and the way it totally doesn’t look like it’s made of glue gunned kabob sticks and rope.  Also, I love that it’s gold.

I may have followed the trend, but I’ve got no regrets, baby, just joyous gaudy sun/star/lovelybursts hanging on my wall!

Does anybody else out there watch America’s Test Kitchen?  It’s on one of my pbs channels (yes, ONE of them, I get like six, what up with that?) on Saturday and Sunday afternoons, so you may be led to believe that it is totally square to watch.  It doesn’t have any flashy celebrachefs or contests or bizarre ingredient challenges, so don’t think this is a Food Network brainchild.  In fact, it is actually the show counterpart to the fabulous amazing wonderful magazine Cook’s Illustrated.  So they show you the verybestmostperfect way to cook a certain dish and explain all the experiments they went through to find that method.  And there is also always some kind of product lineup review.  Anyways, suffice it to say it is amazing and wonderful and I always learn awesome new tips and tricks.

A few weekends back I watched the show and they made a simple vinaigrette dressing.  Now about two years ago I learned a delicious and easy dressing from my friend’s mom that basically consists of dijon mustard, oil, and vinegar.  She has this great method of just tossing all the ingredients into the salad, eyeballing the amounts.  So sometimes it’s an especially tangy salad, or maybe a bit more spicy, depending on how the ratios end up.  I absolutely love it.

But what I learned that was especially valuable on this particular episode of Teach Me All the Ways to Be a Goddess Cook America’s Test Kitchen was how to make a masterfully emulsified salad dressing.  Now this may not sound important or notable, as it sure didn’t to me, buttttt apparently a well emulsified dressing is actually one of the best ways to get that light and underdressed, yet perfectly coated effect that restaurants always do so well.  Each piece of the salad has all the flavors of the dressing; you don’t end up with one oily bite and then one vinegary bite.  Instead, every bite is perfect.

So what’s the secret?  Don’t shudder… I know you will anyways if you’re an American reader…. it’s mayonnaise.  Yep, apparently the yolk in an egg is a masterful emulsifier (even more than mustard, which is also helpful).  So the egg in mayo is perfect.

I have definitely been raised as a no-mayo girl, so believe me, the idea of regularly ingesting mayonnaise makes me a little sick to my stomach.  However, you will be happy to know that it just takes a little bit to get the dressing to emulsify well.  And I use vegan mayo and it still gets the job done (don’t ask me how…).

SO.  Without further ado, herein lies the secret to perfect dressing every time: a babyspoonful of mayo (vegan or otherwise).  And here are the steps I took most recently:

1. OH NO THE MAYO

2. More mustard than mayo (these measurements are noooot very exact)

3. Mmm mmm drown those condiments in balsamic.

4.  Add the pepper and fancy salt (I will never go back to regular salt when it comes to cooking.  For baking, I’ll use iodized raingirl kind.)

5. Whip that sucker together

6.  Add the oil of the gods, the oil of olives

7.  Whisk again.  They did it in this order on the television show, so I will forever whip everything together before the oil.  I think it makes a difference in the emulsification?

8.  Dress your salad!  Give it something fancy to wear!

No, this is not the most beautiful salad ever, I made it in five minutes so don’t judge.  However, it is tangy and well-dressed so it can go out and paint the town red. And there you go.  Thank you America’s Test Kitchen for making me the best salad dresser this side of the Rockies.  Or at least a contender for that title.